Blog 64 – My Recovery

My recovery is a long hard journey with many peaks and troughs along the way. 

Fighting this gambling disease since 2003 with many battles won and lost over time, day by day.

Step 1 is to admit we are powerless over gambling which I thought I’d accepted long ago.

Complacency was my biggest weakness as I thought I was able to control it, but soon I was back in the flow.

I must move forward again now with the help of G.A.

Barriers are fully back in place as I try to do things the G.A way.

Meetings are my medicine, the power in them is strong.

Honesty also plays a big part and admitting where I’ve done wrong.

Filling my time with normal things and creating special memories with family and friends.

When I think my life is back on track, I remind myself this addiction never ends.

Thanks to G.A I’m heading in the right direction, trying to follow the 12 steps.

I gave my recovery over to a higher power and this time there’s no regrets.

I respect the illness 110% and have seen the destruction it can cause.

But what a fantastic gambling free life I can have as long my recovery doesn’t pause.

Gutter, prison, morgue are the places I could end up if I slip up again.

I would do anything to aid my recovery as I don’t want any more pain.

Unity, Serenity & Honesty are the foundations of my recovery and I must say…..

I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t found the fellowship of G.A

My name is Steve and I’m a compulsive gambler. Last bet 18 Oct 2014.

Blog 63 – Stay positive

I have had a strange couple of weeks with stress regarding my son starting a new school and worries about my job but thankfully I seem to be getting through this now. These type of things can be stressful to ‘normal’ people but can be even harder for people with mental illness. I keep telling myself to keep positive and accept the things I cannot change. Looking back over this year I think I have achieved a lot so thought I would share this positivity in my blog.

1. I am now 698 days since my last gamble.
2. I started my blog in February and now I am upto blog 63.
3. I have over 300 followers on my @gambling_free Twitter account.
4. I ran every day in January to raise money and awareness for Mind Charity.
5. I am training for my first half marathon and raising money for 2 more charities.
6. I have been to 5 new Gamblers Anonymous meetings (including 2 in Scotland).
7. I have had 2 fantastic holidays and many trips away with my family.
8. I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary with a romantic weekend away.
9. We reduced the term on our mortgage to enable us to be mortgage free by the time I am 50.
10. I have a great job for a fantastic company (which is no longer at risk)

So any negative thoughts need to be quickly pushed aside and I must be positive – just for today. I mustn’t look too far into the future and try to focus on the present.
My recovery is important to me and I must continue this spiritual journey with the help of my family, friends and GA.
Just for today I will not gamble.

Blog 62 – 690 days gamble free, 7 days Sober

Not written for a few weeks so thought it was about time I shared an update about what’s been going on in the life of this recovering compulsive gambler.

It been an emotional week to be honest as I came back from holiday to find out my Gran has been rushed into Hospital whilst I was away. It was nice to take the kids to see her though in hospital and good to see she was on the road to recovery. We are very close and she helped bail me out with one of my gambling debts back in 2003.

It was good to back to a GA meeting after missing a couple of weeks due to my holiday. I’ve had a double dose of medicine this week as went to GA Nottingham Sunday and Chesterfield on Monday which gave me a lot of strength for emotional week ahead.

Its a long story but basically my Son started at primary school this week but unfortunately due to a ridiculous change to council policy we couldn’t get him into the same school as his sister. We’ve appealed and appealed the appeal but no joy. So it was a very hard morning heading in separate directions for the first day of school. I chose to take my son and I had a lump in my throat as he walked off into his new classroom. 
If I was still gambling I don’t think I would have been too bothered about all of this stuff with my Gran and son but once you stop you have to face reality and deal with issues (rather than escaping into the gambling bubble).

Another decision I made whilst on holiday was to try going without a drink for the whole of September. Now I do not feel like I’m an alcoholic but after drinking constantly on holiday for 14 days I felt having a month off wouldn’t be a bad idea! Plus this coincides with my half marathon at the end of September. So hopefully with my ongoing training and being sober for a month I should be in the best possible shape and be able put in a respectable time.

If I did go a month off the booze it would probably be the first time in over 20 years…….but I am taking things 1 day at a time (like the gambling).
Finally it was a proud moment today when my friend at GA got to his first year free from gambling which is a fantastic achievement. We have been supporting each other over the last 12 months and it’s great to see him get to the year milestone. He has worked hard at his recovery and is now starting to see the benefits of stopping gambling. 

So what next for me?

It’s my sons 5th birthday on Sunday so looking forward to that and then I’m away with work again next week for a few days in Germany. 

My name is Steve and I’m a compulsive gambler, last bet 18th October 2014.

Don’t think I’m an alcoholic but I’m just having a temporary break….Last drink 31 August 2016