Had a good last few weeks and have recently passed 1000 days since my last bet.
We decided to do something different at GA last week and had an open meeting where family and friends can attend the meeting as well. There was an interesting discussion around trust and finances which lead me to ask my wife some similar questions when I got home.
I was quite surprised by her answers if I’m being honest….
When I asked my wife if she trusted me about my gambling (based on the fact that I’d stopped for over 5 years in the past and still went back to it and told many lies about it).
– Obviously she said that she would never fully trust me again due to my past secrets and lies but she did comment on how the trust was being rebuilt and she could see how was I committed to my recovery. She also commented on how she doesn’t lose any sleep about me gambling again as from a financial point of view the steps we have taken to take my name off the joint account and our savings account had protected her and our kids from any damage I could do financially to the family. Yes I could still probably get myself a loan if I wanted too but I’m just in too good a place to even consider that at the moment.
As well as the trust of a partner building up I feel like I am beginning to trust myself again and the strength I am gaining from regular GA meetings is phenomenal. Coupled with that the physical and mental health benefits of my running escapades this year is definitely helping my overall wellbeing. I still take things 1 day at a time but seem to feel different than I did during my first stint at GA and I’m not sure why. I am always wary of complacency as it’s bitten me before so I guess I am trying not to make the same mistakes and this is spurring me on each week.
So I accept that I may never get 100% trust back with my wife but I am repairing that trust each week as I work on my recovery from this devastating addiction. My life is in a great place and long may it continue.
My name is Steve and I’m a compulsive gambler. Last bet 1007 days ago!!