As we start the 5th week of the Covid-19 lockdown in the UK I thought it was time to reflect on the last 4 weeks in my recovery which has had many highs and lows.
When the lockdown was announced it was quite a worrying time because it meant GA rooms across the country would be closed down for the near future. This left me feeling uneasy as I knew I needed the meetings especially during this challenging time and I needed to find a way to get my medicine.
I first reached out to a different GA meeting who were doing a meeting by video call. This was great to find an alternative to a physical meeting and it soon to led to my meetings setting up Zoom meetings. The meetings have been very important for me as I will come onto however the attendance has not been the best.
When the Pandemic hit the UK it triggered a lot of change and restrictions at work which came with added stress, which was multiplied by my wife’s anxiety around the Covid-19 situation. She didn’t want me going into work but my bosses did which left me between a rock and a hard place. Obviously I wanted to put my family’s health first but I also felt a need to protect my dream job that I had worked hard for during my recovery.
This caused many arguments and disagreements which triggered very negative emotions and feelings like when I was back gambling. During this time I was working up to my 2000th day since my last bet and in the last 10 days I certainly had thoughts of gambling (especially around the virtual grand national). Luckily I managed to get through the bad patch one day at a time and with the help of the Zoom GA meetings. In the last 4 weeks I think I have averaged 3 meetings a week which has been a massive help.
I empathise with anyone who is trying to deal with a gambling problem during these unprecedented times as I know if I was still gambling I would have been hard at it all day rather than working from home or taking time to entertain the kids. I would have been online all day, chasing every loss and building up hidden debts. Nowhere to turn to and trying to get that big win to solve all my problems. Thankfully I’m not in that position at the moment but just wanted to say to anyone struggling there is help out there through many avenues – Gamblers Anonymous, Gamcare, National Gambling Clinic and many more.
So what have I done over the past 4-5 weeks to try and overcome this difficult situation with regards my recovery…..
When the 3 things come together compulsive gamblers have a high risk of gambling – Time/Money/Opportunity. So I have had to make sure my barriers have been in place for each of these 3 things. If I start with opportunity, there is obviously less opportunity with the bookmakers being closed but I’ve noticed a lot more online gambling adverts on social media and on TV. GAMSTOP is the barrier I have in place for this and I would recommend this to anyone who is an online gambler. From a money point of view I have taken a pay cut but we have less outgoings so probably saving money still at the moment. Although I have now been off gambling five and half years I still get my wages paid into my wife’s account and I have limited access to money. I’ve not relaxed this as it works for me. Time is being spent either working, spending time with my family, running or GA meetings although some days do drag I’m not into boredom stage yet.
So just thought I wanted to put a few words out there to let people know where I was at and hopefully spark a few people to seek help or do something different. Just taking things 1 day at a time and not looking to far into the future.
Stay safe, stay gamble free and look after your nearest and dearest.
My name is Steve and I am a recovering compulsive gambler. Last bet 18th October 2014.
gamblingfreeste 