Different recovering problem gamblers have different triggers that may send them back gambling but it is often spoken in the GA room about Time, Opportunity and Money and when those 3 things come together you have a good chance of betting again (there may be additional triggers required which I will come onto later).
That’s why we have to put barriers in place to prevent Time, Opportunity and Money coming together. This can be difficult in practice so this is my experience.
Time – when you are not gambling you have a lot of time on your hands and you have to fill the void left by gambling. For me having 2 Children now aged 9 and 6 I am now able to devote a lot more time to them and be a proper dad. I also have started running again as a healthy body stimulates a healthy mind. I have read more books in the last few months than I have in the last 10 years, and get a lot of inspiration from reading books about other compulsive gamblers such as Kevin Twaddle. The final productive thing I do to fill my time is write this blog….
Opportunity – This is the hardest one to tackle as gambling is in your face 24/7 (as Chelsea Andy) used to say every week in GA Nottingham meeting. As my gambling was predominantly online I have blocked gambling sites on my laptop using K9 and I now have Gamban app on my IPhone but there is still opportunity out there. I cannot block myself or lock myself away from every form of gambling as that’s impossible but that’s where the strength of GA meetings helps. I do try and keep as far away from gambling as i possibly can and the barriers I have put in place on my finances have also limited my opportunity.
Recently I have also self excluded from the bookmakers in my local area and near where I work. Like I said most of my problematic gambling was online but every barrier you can put in place helps.
Money – if you haven’t got any bullets, you cannot shoot your gun. Carrying money for some recovering compulsive gamblers is like carrying a syringe of heroine for a drug addict. It is very hard to give control of your finances over to another person (and not everyone is fortunate enough to have somebody to hand their finances over to). I was lucky that my wife was able to take control of our finances and I surrended my credit card, joint account card and PayPal account to her as these were the 3 main avenues I used to gamble. I now just have a basic bank account with no overdraft and she puts me in money each week for petrol to get to work.
Don’t get me wrong, if I need any money my wife will give it to me but I will always get a receipt and be transparent with her to help rebuild the trust. The truth is although I don’t have control of my finances, they are in a lot better control now my wife is looking after them as the money is being spent on the right things and our savings are building up (rather than me frittering it away online). So I am happy for this situation to continue as it works for us as a family.
So when TOM comes together I believe a 4th element is also involved and that is an emotional trigger which is the final straw which sends us back into gambling mode. Everyone’s triggers are different and if you can recognise yours then you are doing well in your recovery.
My top 3 triggers would be
- Stress from work
- Arguments with the wife
- Having money I didn’t have to account for (e.g money my wife didn’t know about).
I will go into these in a bit more detail on a separate blog.
Others triggers maybe
- Health scare
- Bereavement
- Debts
- Good News
- Seperation / Being Alone
- Losing Job
Hope this makes sense! My name is Steve and I’m a compulsive gambler. No bets since 18th October 2014…..
gamblingfreeste 